Passes like clouds

Ugh, what a weird week. What a weird month. What a weird life. Yesterday evening I had a brief exchange of messages with Stan Lake about writing. He said, rather astutely, that it often feels like a fine line between being vulnerable and trauma-dumping, and I’m definitely feeling that today. I’m not writing this to get any condolences, any sympathy, any of that.

Wednesday evening my mother passed away. Anyone who follows my Instagram might have seen my quick post about it. My mother and I haven’t had a good relationship for a number of years, and I honestly don’t have sadness about her passing. In my world, she passed away a number of years ago. I have a much longer thing that I started to write, but the whole thing needs more time, and it feels odd to write such an in depth self-analysis without giving it the proper time to develop, so I might write more about this another time.

But vulnerability is an interesting thing. Vulnerability is strength. There is an honesty in being vulnerable. So much of our culture tells us what we should be, strong, brave, masculine, whatever. This is often just a way of pressuring us to hide our vulnerability, to be strategic, to fit in. I have no use for that. I don’t give a shit about any of that, I think that’s the source of so many of our problems. At the same time, I don’t think that we should celebrate our fears and try to make the world bend at our will. There’s a delicate dance of not taking ourselves too seriously, and not having to always be the main character in a story. Show your wounds, know that others have them, too. Don’t try to compare the depth, examine, acknowledge and rejoice in your common survival. I feel lucky to have a few people I can do that with, I hope you do, too.

Spotify list

I love making these lists, but I seldom give them the description they deserve. I started this week’s list with a song by Wovenhand. The versions you find on Spotify sadly don’t have the power of the live versions I’ve been lucky enough to witness. The last time I heard it live was on the first David Eugene Edwards solo tour in Europe. When he says “I don’t have the courage”, it resonates deeply in my bones.
”Silent Passage” is a folk classic. I first heard this on a Midnight Tales mixtape from Midlake. If you can get your hands on that, you’ll also be treated to an amazing cover of Black Sabbath’s “Am I Going Insane.”
”The Ocean” from Linnea Olsson is courtesy of my wife’s yoga playlist. It’s great.
”Nera” from Varunna is a song I played guitar on a few years ago.
The Queens of the Stone Age song is one of my favorites of theirs.
The Akron Family does a good job of making songs that are simultaneously optimistic sounding and somehow still not over the top happy.
”Sunless Saturday” is a song that always put me in a good mood. One of the best out there.
”Night Walks” by Black Mountain is beautifully transformative. It feels like you’re walking with the singer.
”Cremation Ghat” I and II can’t be separated in my opinion. Om’s God is Good was such a powerful record when it came out, and still moves me.
The same goes for Goat’s “Blessings” and “Passes like Clouds”. Goat (and all of their side projects) know how to end an album.

A few things

Current favorite coffee: Himalaya Pineapple from the Barn
Currently reading: The Sailor Who Fell from Grace with the Sea by Yukio Mishima
Guitar effect that’s breaking my mind: The Mood Mk II by Chase Bliss Audio
Something interesting about the Empress: Why are the Empress' eyes green
Something to buy: a cool poster by my buddy Marvin Nygaard

As always

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